I’ve cried everyday for the last month. I’m fucking exhausted. Thinking about him, thinking about us. Thinking about what could’ve been. Thinking about what was. Questioning his motives. Questioning mine. Facing the fear that nobody will ever truly love me for me because I’ll never reach the unattainable goal of being the person I’ve created online. Recalling every person that’s ever messaged me online and wondering if they understood that I’m not the product I’ve created. When he (the recent boy who broke my heart) contacted me online, I thought he was cute and let him into my life for a moment. I stupidly caught feelings and before you know it, a few months later, I’m alone and broken hearted and he’s free. He came in, got what he wanted, and left. At least that’s what it feels like. I deliver myself as a piece of meat onto the internet, and therefore that’s how I should expect to be treated, in life and love. When people meet me they’re shocked at my sensitivity and yearning for love. He even said to me that I don’t project these sensitivities on my Instagram, so many people won’t think I want love. I portray someone who is invincible, self confident, free, and independent. When really I’m a lonely gay guy looking for a place in this world to exist and hoping that someone will love me. The sadness of losing the stability I found in him is confronting and scary. Im alone again and I have to face all of these realities and theories by myself. Will I ever find love being who I am? Should I ctrl alt delete my entire online presence to find romantic happiness in my future. Is it too late? Will I ever know truth again? Or have I sold my soul with no return? I can’t face the consequences of this action, and I’m devastated at the idea of not having love in my life. Being a social media celebrity is so dumb & fucked because I’m just a normal guy, with a mundane life, just trying to make my life work. I’m not rushing around here & there leading an exciting life in the spotlight. My life is boring as fuck, and I just want companionship. Anyway, this is pathetic and boring. I despair at someone reading this, but I’ll post it anyway. Seeing this is way more exposing than seeing my cock, but is it? Who fucking knows anymore.